Tantra Expert On How To Learn To Love Yourself, Gratitude, and Breath
Interview with Carla Tara. Part 1
A week ago, on a beautiful sunny afternoon, I had a privilege to interview an amazing woman, who spent the last 20 years teaching men and women how to love and be loved using the ancient art of Tantra.
With a fresh rosy glow, graceful as a dancer, and with a strong but calm energy, Carla makes an impression of a woman who is very happy and comfortable in her life and in her body. At 69 years old, Carla attributes her young looks and flexibility to dance, long walks, regular exercise, and a fulfilling sex life.
Here is the first part of our long chat about sex, love, passion, and wellness:
Nadya: Tell us about yourself and your work?
Carla: I’m a teacher of tantra and a intimacy coach. I teach women how to love themselves and men how to make love to women so they can achieve multiple orgasms. I also work with couples a lot to help them build better communication practices. Most couples do not communicate openly. Unexpressed feelings get in a way of a healthy loving relationship and a passionate love-making. Open and honest communication clears the emotional space.
Nadya: If you could teach one thing to all women out there, what would that be?
Carla: Ocean breath. It helps to get in touch with the core of your being, with the essence of who you are. From there we have the power to change. To do the Ocean Breath or Love Making Breath, as I like to call it, lay down in a comfortable position, bend your knees so that your lower back is settled and put your hands on your belly. Inhale deeply and when you exhale concentrate on relaxing stomach. Think of softening in and letting go of all the tension from the lower part of your body. Relax your mouth and exhale out through slightly parted lips, going ‘ahhhh’. Let the breath come down to the pubic bone and then let go. Do it for at least 10 breaths. The key to love making is to stop thinking and this breath helps to stop the annoying mind chatter.
Nadya: Why is relaxing the belly is so important?
Carla: As a nation, we are very ‘belly afraid’. Flat strong abs is an object of desire and a round protruding belly is frowned upon. As a result, we always suck it in, keep it tight, and never let it be free and relaxed. While it is good to keep your belly engaged when working out, it is not a good thing when making love.
Nadya: What about women who don’t have a partner? Can they practice Tantra on their own?
Carla: Yes! You need to know how to make love to yourself first of all. Otherwise how can you tell a man what you want. Women should dance with themselves, say loving affirmations to their body, and learn what turns them on. It’s very important, love yourself first – learn how to make love to yourself.
Nadya: What if a woman never looked at herself in the mirror lovingly and feels a lot of resistance saying affirmations to her own body? How can she make love to herself? Where does one start?
Carla: You can start by saying to yourself: “I’m open to the possibility that I could love this body.” Start by talking to your body with compassion. Instead of saying “I hate how you look!” or “I am going to get you in shape!”, make friends with your body. Try saying “I’m learning to love my breasts” not “I love my breasts” in the beginning. Instead of “I love my body,” if it doesn’t come from the heart, say, “Wow, I’m looking at my body and it’s my friend. I can’t live without my body. I am willing to accept, to start accepting as it is, exactly as it is because it’s a consequence of my actions or my beliefs, and I can change my beliefs and I can change my actions and in consequence, I can change my body and still love how I am right now.”
Nadya: So it is better to start slow and enjoy the process?
Carla: Yes, just be willing to open up and see what happens when you start loving your body. Think of how you would treat a good old friend when thinking about your relationship with your body? Would you starve it or would you feed it with delicious healthy food? Your relationship with your body should be all about Pleasure. The same way as with your partner. If you’re on a strict diet and want a piece of cake one day, you do it and enjoy it. Make it a feast, chew each bite 32 times, one for each tooth. And then you feel your body, pay attention to what it says to you.
Nadya: How often do you think a woman should talk to herself.
Carla: Every day. Do it as soon as you get up in the morning. As soon as you open your eyes and say, “Good morning, body! I’m really happy that I fell asleep. I’m really glad I have you, and I love you unconditionally right now, and I’m sorry that blah, blah, blah,” If something happened to the body that was not the way you wanted. “I take the responsibility to treat you well because I love you.” God has created only good stuff and your body is not a piece of shit. You are God’s creation, and your body is divine and deserves to be treated well.
Nadya: For how long?
Carla: Start with one minute, and then go to two minutes next week and increase to perhaps five minutes. Five minutes is good.
Nadya: What is the next step after affirmations? How do you learn what your body needs when it comes to love making?
Carla: You have to experiment and learn from your body. At the beginning I didn’t like pleasuring myself. I was thinking, I want a man to do it, why do I have to do it myself? And that’s where most of us, women, start. It is a normal reaction. You have to understand, however, that if you can’t give yourself pleasure, it is difficult to explain to your man how to do it. Men do not know to make love to a woman, men do not have a woman’s body. You need to find out what your body needs. Around 45% of women have never had orgasms, 80% of women never have orgasms with intercourse. The reason is that they do not know the position that works for them and men go to the position that they like. You need to learn from your body to fully enjoy sex.
Nadya: Are there any rituals or practices that couples should do on a regular basis to keep the connection strong?
Carla: Showing gratitude is a big one. Taking time to be with each other without the distraction is very important. You can sit facing each other, hold hands, and look into each others left eye to really connect after a day at work. Hugging and holding the hug for 4-5 breaths is another great practice that creates a strong bond. Hold each other for at least 4 breaths, heart to heart, belly to belly.
Nadya: What is your message to the women reading this interview?
Carla: Love yourself, enjoy food, chew it long and enjoy it so much so you don’t need big quantities. Be feminine and graceful in everything you do. Men love when you are communicating what you want without going around the bush. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want without being demanding. If a man says no, accept it gracefully but have the courage to ask. Relax your belly and do the Ocean Breath every day.
Nadya: Where can interested readers find you?
Carla: My website is www.1tantra.com and www.carlatara.com I do private sessions for men, women and couples and I love couples the most because then I can guide them through all the love making steps including Kama Sutra positions. They really enjoy that. I just enjoy the transformation that happens. I do work at changing beliefs very fast. And by changing belief like touching, goes right into the core. I also teach workshops at the Open Center in NYC.
In the 2nd part of the interview, Tara will share her secrets on re-igniting passion in relationships, talk about a perfect workout for women, and teach women how to become desired and attractive. Stay tuned!
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