Tantra Expert On How To Get Men To Love You and How to Revive Passion

Plus: Feminine Approach To Working Out and Yoga

A couple of weeks ago I posted the first part of an interview with a NYC-based Tantra teacher Carla Tara. You can read it here.

Today Carla will share her views on passion, feminine approach to working out and the qualities that men look in women. This woman has a wealth of knowledge to offer, read and ask any questions that you might have in the comments section.

Nadya: What is Tantra? Is it just sex and kinky creative positions?
Carla:  There’s a lot more to Tantra than just sex. Tantra covers many aspects of conscious living. It teaches everything from preparing beautiful nourishing food that is appealing to your lover to creating a balanced intimate space. For example, according to Tantra, bedroom should be only for love making, not for watching TV, talking, or fighting. This way, you condition yourself to create an association between your bedroom and love making. Yoga and keeping your body fit and beautiful for your partner is also a part of Tantra. The art of looking into each others left eye is also very important. Tantra doesn’t divide life from love-making. Every action should be filled with love.

Nadya: What do men love about women?
Carla:  The men that I work with always tell me that they like a woman who is grateful for things that they do and show it. Men work a lot and appreciate “thank you, honey, for what you do” more than anything. A relationship should be an exchange of gratefulness. Men do not look at how the breast sags or how cellulite show up. They look at the energy. They feel the energy. They love who you are. Especially during sex, there is no judgment by the men. So, let’s get away from the point of view that you need to have to be skinny in order to be good lovers. Men love a woman who loves and understands herself and what she wants.

Nadya: What do to mean by loving and understanding herself?
Carla:  Showing love to yourself means keeping your body is a good state of health, keeping it fit, and finding a type of movement that your body enjoys. It doesn’t necessarily mean being skinny because everyone has a different ideal weight. A person who weighs 200 pounds could be healthy and have the greatest sex. Understanding yourself comes with meditation and listening to you mind and recognizing thought patterns.

Nadya: Everyone wants a strong core and beautiful abs. To achieve that goal, we learn how to hold in out stomach very early on. Do you thing it effects the quality of orgasms?
Carla: Control and tension do not work well in love-making. Good long orgasm require relaxation and letting go. Unless you need to protect your lower back, for example in squats, there is no reason to hold in the belly tightly. If you relax your stomach, digestion will be better, breath will be easier, and sex will bring more pleasure.

Nadya:  We live in a society who values exercise a lot. We tend to get caught up in “more is better” frame of mind: thinner is better, fitter is better, more workouts is healthier… The tension that intense workouts create in the body can effect digestion and sex life, in particular. What’s your view on this?
Carla: Energy flow has to be balanced. Focusing only on masculine side will create imbalance. The feminine graceful activities should be a regular part of any woman’s life if she wants to feel complete. Dancing is my favorite way to reconnect with my feminine side.

Nadya:  What is a good way to balance out intense workouts that create aggressive masculine energy?
Carla: Women should put just as much focus on relaxation as they do on exercise. You don’t have to stop exercising, but what you need to learn is how to relax as efficiently as you exercise. Relaxation is crucial especially if you exercise a lot. It will help to maintain a balanced state.

Nadya:  How do they relax more efficiently?
Carla: I believe that strenuous exercise should be kept to 3 times a week and other days should be about recovery, relaxation, and enjoying your body. Dancing, yoga, stretching are all pleasant types of movement that don’t create tension. You can dance every day because it is pleasure. When the pleasure is not work, you’re not tight.

Nadya: What do you think about yoga?
Carla:  Yoga is great! I practice yoga regularly but in a personal more feminine way. Yoga was invented by men, for men. I believe that a woman needs a different approach to yoga. Instead of just holding the pose stiffly, I would encourage women to stay soft and be gentle in their practice. You can create your own dance with yoga. If you are moving your body, you should be enjoying it.

Nadya:  What does Tantra have to say about passion? Couples have that passionate crazy feeling for the first year or two, and then it turns into ‘let’s watch TV and wear sweat pants together’ type of thing.
Carla: That happens because when you’re falling in love, the hormones take over, and you feel as if you were on drugs. It’s incredible.  It lasts from six months to two years, and then you are flat out. If you wait until then to start working on the relationship, it’s too late. You should be working on the relationship when you’re still in the highest potential. Instead of looking only at the good and shoving all the bad under the rug, you should talk and share from the beginning.  You need to ask for what you want from the very beginning and to be honest.

Nadya: So, if a couple is married for twenty years and they have kids, and they are not connected, it’s too late for them? They just need to get divorced?
Carla: No, they have to pretend that they are just meeting again. They have to use imagination. According to Tantra we need to realize and appreciate that we are all the reflection of God. Your partner is a god, and you are a goddess. And then you understand: “Wow, tonight I’m going to make love to a god!”

Nadya: This would make it very special! I never though of it this way!
Carla: Yes, it is a shift in perspective. Suddenly, you realize that it is a very special thing to fall in love with a god and that you are a goddess. You take one night each. One night you just give to him. You don’t want anything back, nothing. You can give him a massage, a dinner, a dance. The next night it is his turn to give to you.

Nadya:  What if you both want to give?
Carla: When you give, there has to be a receiver there who receives you. If he’s busy giving back to you, there’s nobody to receive you. It is a very important concept to understand. If you’re giving but there’s nobody on the receiving end, you get frustrated. Your love doesn’t go through. Us, women, we are wired to give and have hard time surrendering and receiving. Women have to let go of that desire to give once she’s ready to receive.

Nadya: Thank you, Carla, for being so generous with us and sharing your wisdom!

You can find Carla on her websites  www.1tantra.com and www.carlatara.com. Carla does private sessions for men, women and couples and also teaches workshops at the Open Center in NYC.

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