After a very successful 2 day urban retreat in Moscow, Russia where 40 women shared a transformational experience of realigning their daily self-care to support their true unique nature, I started having bouts of doubt.
- Am I really qualified to guide so many women in finding what works for their body?
- Who am I to tell others what to do or eat?
- What if my guidance and tools I provide is not enough?
- What if I fail or fail them?
- What if I can’t make this project work?
- Who am I to teach others of I still have mountains of my own crap to go through?
- Why would someone listen to me if there are so many more experiences and wonderful coaches? I am not good enough to do, not ready, not capable….
These thoughts keep circling in my mind since the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. They kept me in my head and away from my loved ones. They kept me away from being fully present with my work.
Two 2 weeks ago I promised you I would share my tools and healing regimen for lightening up for spring. I planned the webinar and then moved it. I keep delaying it because I m afraid to make mistakes and do less than perfect job supporting you. With self-imposed time pressure I pushed myself to sit by the computer with an intention of putting together the best materials, only to find myself procrastinating on Facebook.
My mind said I screwed up and wasted time again and again. I compulsively recited endless tasks in my mind without getting anything done. Kitchen was an escape from doing the work that I told myself I should be doing. Of course I was supposed to be productive but I found myself eating instead.
Waking up I tried to pump myself up to have a great day. I drank warm water, did yoga, meditated but it felt like a gray heavy routine. It glued everything inside. It felt sticky stuck.
These negative thoughts took over my mind and I got lost in them. Bathing in a swamp of gray negativity I ended up being not present with my parents, sisters and friends for a few days that I was in Russia. Instead I kept reciting the worst case scenarios in my mind while physically going through the routine steps of daily life.
Then I PAUSED.
I RESTED (at least I tried).
I wanted to get rid of this feeling but it didn’t work. So I just ended up BEING with this overwhelming sense of inadequacy.
I FELT it in my body, I observed it, I watched it.
It felt burning, overwhelming, buzzing in every cell. I felt it on my face, shoulders, chest.
First it was strong. It peaked. I breathed and kept watching it. I didn’t know if it will stay or go. All I knew I couldn’t do anything with it besides just observe.
Then it started getting less noticeable. Less intense. Less burning.
It decreased and melted away. It dissipated into nowhere.
Today I woke up at 530am feeling refreshed, clear, with a renewed sense of purpose. My regular excitement for my work was back. I felt light. Even to-do list felt exciting, not heavy.
The only reason I’m telling you this is because it happens to all of us. When things are going great, we tend to sabotage ourselves or try to balance it out by messing things up. It is a natural process. We are not used to feeling too good for too long. We are way more comfortable feeling bad. So subconsciously we look for a way to make things bad.
It happens in diet when we binge right after things are starting to feel too good, at work when we mess up after a successful project and in relationships when we sabotage the connection after a moment of closeness.
There are many reasons as to why we have this tendency but there are only a couple of ways of overcoming it:
1. Be with the feelings when they come up. Don’t analyze or try to solve them. Just be and feel them. What’s in the way, it the way.
2 Slowly work towards getting more comfortable with feeling good or even amazing for longer periods of time. Build your tolerance to live in joy and pleasure, not in a problem solving reactive mode.
Share your thoughts. Have you ever noticed that you tend to sabotage yourself and your success? How do you get out from the funky mode?
Lighten Up! Spring Into Summer
My intention for the webinar is to share tools that I use on a daily basis to feel light physically and emotionally. I would like everyone to walk away feeling inspired, less hard on themselves, lighter, and brighter.
Preparation for summer doesn’t have to be exhausting, filled with restriction, guilt, body shame, and resentment. I invite you to join me in utilizing Simplicity, Flow, Feminine Energy, your own Body Intelligence and Ayurveda to peel off winter heaviness and step into Spring feeling Light and Rejuvenated!
I also invite you to join me in NYC for a night of sharing, inspiration, and connection at the Summer Awakening: A Night of Inspiration for the Soul on May 15th at 6:30PM.
Hope to see you at both events!
Sending you love!